Even Tears Don't Believe me...

I thought I really got over with him, but yesterday when I saw he was kissing with another boy, suddenly I relized I still like him, unfortunately, I like him a lot. I had to ran away, my feeling was fucked up, I felt somebody punched my heart fiercely, it hurts so bad...I went home with Lisa. On the way home, we talked a lot, I admited I like him, which I don't even know. I thought I don't care anymore, but I do care, I do care so much! At that moment, I really wished I can cry, but I couldn't. Maybe it's really like my mum said, if you are really sad, you just can not cry. I could not release myself, I couldn't. I hate myself...

All the time I tried so hard to pretend to be stonger, I don't want anybody to see the what is inside of me, I want be a hard stone. But I know myself, I am too soft inside. I am so afraid to get hurt, I am so afraid to open my heart to someone.

Opened my music box, the song went " I don't want you go, tell me, you are not leaving me...I don't want see you get away from my life" I started to cry like a baby, I really hope it will be the last time to cry for love problem. Mum said to me, you lost someone who doesnt love you, but he lost someone who loves him, the loss for him is much more...yeah, but somebody even don't give a damn...

I hope the story end here....no more going on...no gain no pain, no expection, no overthinking...