How are you?
Still Mad and hesitate?
Being away from you this moment
I cannot let myself go
Please
Take care
你好嗎？
還痛嗎？
離開你這么遠
我放不過我自己
請
保重
When it comes, it will come. Because my babylot suggests me to write about yesterday " my dating" down when it is frensh. I had a great time with a lovely boy. Before we met, we chatted for hours and hours, acutally I've never chatted that long with anyone before. But sometimes you meet in real, it turns to another story like I had in Paris before. What did we do? Many things, we had lunch, we walked around the city, we went to park and we held each other's hand when we watched " My sister's keeper". We laid in the park and talked for hours, we teasted each other and laughed a lot. When I got so close to him, I can see myself in his beautiful blue eyes. He told me " The more you close to me, the cuter you are"...and We kissed:) At this moment, I really don't know how to use my word to describe how wonderful it was yesterday. I am so happy that I can leave my past behind. Like a song " When you around, I am not afraid of anything" To be continue...
Fall, it's a bit sad season from my view. One of my best friend - Soojung she left here to her hometown Soeul Korea. It's kind dramatic, cause our last meet was at Macdonland in the center of Eindhoven. Althought she told me she would leave Netherlands long time ago, but somehow I still didn't feel she would leave. We looked at each other, she told me, " I will not cry, because we'll meet soon", I started to be feel there are tears in my eyes, I couldn't see her pretty face anymore, we hugged each other, in that moment, all the memories went back to me, the fighting, laughing, gameing, treaveling, we've been through a lot of things in last 20 months. We shared happiness and sadness. Moreover, we worked in Philips together, like the Korea Serie said " Life brings us together", isnt it? Soo, I really really appreactice you come to my life, I love you. I hope everything will be great for you in Netherland. We'll meet soon again I am sure, cause Korea is not that far from my hometown, maybe you'll see me with someone next time:)
I didn't write this blog for a long time, now it's like once a month. I back to Semester 6 to continue my study at Fontys. It's very busy and intensive, but I will get used to it.
有些人回來，有些人離開...
Recently, I've been asking myself this question as my title, " Is timing everything?" The story is my good SooJung graducated from my university, I would like say Congraducation for her like I did on Thursday. She decided going back to South Korea on 30.08.2009. As a good friend, I really don't want she goes back to Korea, cause I am so get used to see her around me to share all the sadness and happniness with me. However, Soo has a boyfriend here and they are in a relationship. Everytime I see them, I can see how happy they are, it shows on their face. But sooner, they gonna be sepreated, I asked Soo why you started a realtionship if you know you will go back, I don't really remember the answer anymore, but she told me Timing is very important. Indeed, timing is so important, it can be at the right the time, you meet a right guy, or it's other way around. There are so many possiblities in our lieaves. Soo told me life is a big question mark, it brings us to somewhere unexpected. I think if I have one I love and he loves me, I won't go back, I will stay here for him, maybe that's me...I am the person who is looking for love in all of my life, even though I don't want admit it. Soo told me maybe I never met someone nice, I doubt it, cause I did meet someone very nice, but I didn't treatsure it, and I let it went away. Who will be the next one? I hope it will not take so long...
For the Korean girl I love...
Due the reason I got the summer job in Philips, I have no summer break anymore. That's why I didn't update my blog for a while, I've been quiet busy. But anyway, I don't know there will be much people to read my blog. I am pretty lukcy to get this job, however, it's Philips! Work in Supply Chain Management department is nice, I like the atmosphere here. I work with Soo and Dina, what a coincidence! No matter what, we are always together. I believe that's destiny!
Recently nothing really new happened to me, just everyday go and back from working. Being tired and going to bed early. Now I really think being a student is much better! No wonder so many people after working in Company for few years they will quit and choose to be a student again...
Since he went to holiday, I feel nothing really much anymore. I should move on with my own life. He will go home anyway, but I will not move with him or for him. Remember that day I played Tator with my Chinese friends, I got the answer from the magic cards. It's like a mirror in my heart...
I am looking forward to go to Ky's party with Dina and Lisa, my two hot biachtes. Maybe can meet someone nice there...we'll see:)
These day I am so being so stressful, I have to work, but meanwhile, I have to do 6 exams. I have no motiviation to do anything. The only thing I want to do is relaxing and sleeping.
Luckily, I got the job in Philips, and I pass the internship assesment. Dina, we are awesome! No matter what we do, we're always stick with each other:). Like I said, you can not get rid of me.
He went to travel with his family, I went to met him in Tilburg. But in my heart, I still didn't let him go. I don't know why, the first time after these years, I open up my heart to somebody competetly. But of course he couldn't do anything with this broken heart. Because sooner or later, he's leaving to New Zealand/Australia. Sometimes I feel I am so silly, the day he went away, I began to check his facebook everyday, wether he uploaded some new pictures, or he updated his facebook. I printed out our pictures, look at them day by day. I know I still like him, maybe even I am in love with him. But anyway, he doesn't belong to me, I have to let him go. Just be opsmastic, everything will fine. To like somebody is also not bad, right?
At first when we met
We said hi
Now we're still friends
But we've said goodbye
I gave you a chance
And you rejected
You said it's not good right now
And you stand corrected
You see what you've lost
At least I hope you do
You see what others can have
But not you
I don't mean to sound conceited
Or vain in any way
I'm just merely pointing out
What you had, and threw away
I liked you a lot
I honestly did
But did you feel the same?
Were there feelings you hid?
If you had feelings for me
You didn't show it
Because things are over now
And I didn't know it
If you didn't have feelings
Then why did you say so
When the only person you trust, lies
Then where do you go?
I just wanted to say
Thought you needed to know
These feelings I have
Need to be let go
서로를 잊겠죠 그럴 수 있겠죠
也许会忘掉彼此吧,也许会那样吧
이제 우리 멀리 있게 되면
马上我们就要离得很远
정말 함께 하고 싶은데
真的很想在一起
그대 가는 길이 어디든 난 가고 싶은데
不管你去向哪里我都想跟着你
난 고개 숙이죠 아무말 못하죠
但是我没说出口只低着头
그저 눈물만 참을 뿐이죠
只能忍住泪水
바보처럼 울먹이는 날
象傻瓜一样哭泣的那天
기억하게 하긴 싫었죠 날 떠나가지만
不想让你记得,虽然你离开我
I'll be missing you
我会想念你
어쩔수 없죠 숨쉬는 것 조차
没有办法,连呼吸
내겐 너무 힘든 이별인 걸요
对我来说都那么累
I'll be there for you
我会在那里等你
힘이 들 때면 그대
疲惫的时候请你记得
언제나 여기서 널 기다리는 날
我会一直在这里
항상 기억해요
等你
사랑한단 말도 함께 하잔 말도
爱你的那句话
그 어떤 말도 할 수 없었죠
任何话都无能说出来
그대 발길 힘겨울까봐
因为怕你的脚步会沉
나 때문에 더 힘들까봐 난 그냥 보내요
怕因为我你会更累,所以只能这样让你走
I'll be missing you
我会想念你
어쩔수 없죠 숨쉬는 것 조차
没有办法,连呼吸
내겐 너무 힘든 이별인 걸요
对我来说都那么累
I'll be there for you
我会在那里等你
힘이 들 때면 그대
疲惫的时候请你记得
언제나 여기서 널 기다리는 날
我会一直在这里
항상 기억해요
等你
잠시 뿐이겠죠 지금처럼 낯선 이별도
只是暂时吧,象现在这样陌生的离别
그대 돌아올 그때 외롭거나 낯설지 않게
当你回来的时候不能让你觉得陌生
내가 기다릴께요
所以我会一直等下去
I'll be missing you
我会想念你
어쩔수 없죠 숨쉬는 것 조차
没有办法,连呼吸
내겐 너무 힘든 이별인 걸요
对我来说都那么累
I'll be there for you
我会在那里等你
힘이 들 때면 그대
疲惫的时候请你记得
언제나 여기서 널 기다리는 날
我会一直在这里
항상 기억해요
等你
I am not afraid hurt anymore...
I am not afraid expection anymore...
I thought the simple life can cover everything
But I forgot why I always run away
My love...it's still exist...
I will wait for you near by the sea...wait for the tides bring you back to me :)
Is possible that God's arrgement of the good tension faith?
The way you walk, the way you smile， the way you treat me...
In my subconsciousness, I know that's true love...
Yes! I had a big hungover from a lot of different alcohol again! I guess offically I am becoming a alcoholic! When I look back, compare with myself in 2007, I have to say I changed a lot. I really become who I am, don't give a damn what other people think about me! I like this attitude.
13.06.2009, let's remember this date. It's my best friend Dina's birthday. Here were we again, Dina, Soo, Bo and me. We used hung out a lot last year. I really miss that moment, I know soon we'll be spreated again...:( But meanwhile, I am looking forward to get together again. Sometimes I wonder after 10 years, where will us be? I know there is a famous saying goes " all good things come to an end ".
When he left the party, he told me " see you in September " I replied with a lie " In September I will go back to Japan ". I didn't remember what exactly he replied, I said " Maybe next life time". Yeah, next life time...Possibly, will we have next life? Even we do, how can you make sure we can meet next life time? I doubt... Somehow I don't want see him anymore in my life, cause everytime I see him, deep of my heart still feels sorry about that. Somehow I do want meet him all the time in my life, if there is one way I can keep him by my side. I think I would do everything...No matter what...
I believe time will heal everything...time will tell...it will help me...I can't deny what I believe:) Soon, I will be loved again...I hope...still I need thank for God, he brings Dina n Lisa to my life...
PS: Sandy, thank you for coming by with the short visit! It was so sweet of you! Love you:)
Certainly I had a shit Spring, I am so looking forward to Summer. The real summer instead the Dutch summer, it seems there is no summer in this tiny lowland. Raining 10 minutes so hard, and then 5 minutes sunshine. It's horrible...I hate it...No wonder Dutch people always talk about weather...
Luckily I find a summer job in Philips...I want to keep myself very busy instead of doing nothing...n now that i found meaning of my life im so happy, dina thnx for coming to my life
wiht u my life got a meaning.. i think im gonna change my orientation n love u all the timez! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ( That's not me, thats lovely drunk Dina)
But of course, in the deep of my heart, I am looking forward to meet someone nice, someone knows how to treat me right, someone I can open my heart with....:) If he doesnt come, it also doesnt matter...I'll keep waiting
Just want metion what happened on last Wednesday, not for him but for myself. Because he began to ignore me like as I did anything wrong to him. The stupid thing was that I felt very hurt, after the stupid SCM exam, I went to Tilburg immediately to look for him. I waited in the centeral station for 1 hour. I've called so many times, I started call Lisa and Dina, I took their advice, I began to walk around in the city. In the end, I decided to look for him in AH supermarkt, this is only the way I could find him. It was not easy, I asked the people on the street, I went to the AH in the Tilburg center. I asked the staff there, do you know someone bla bla, but he did not work in that supermarket. Then here another question came, " how many AH supermarkets in Tilburg", the girl laughed at me, " 4". Oh...shit, that's a lot. So I asked where is the AH XL, the staff explained to me, it was close to the central station. Therefore, I wanted make it sure I did not go to the wrong way. I went to travel advice office, and they told me the way. It was not so long, took me like 10 minutes to went there. When I stepped into the supermarket, I felt very nervous, I looked around, he was not there, I was so dispointed, but just I was about to leave that XL supermarket, I saw his back, and I am surely it was him. He was arranging the meat stuff carefully. So I went to him, I felt I played in the movie, like those girls said to the boys they love, " I found you, I found you!" That moment was 5:32 I think, and I know normally he takes off at 6. I had to be hurry, otherwise I gonna miss him. But I made it, he was very surprise, he asked me, " What are you doing in Tilburg?" " I came here for you, I don't want lose you as my friend" So I waited him until he finished his job, was a bit late though, 6:20, on the way back to his place, he always kept smiling. I guess he's happy that I went to Tilburg for him. Acutally I just want release for myself. Well, partly of course I want some magic happen, but I didn't expect too much. He asked me so many times " why you angry at me?" " Why you angry at me?" At certain points, I really wanted to tell him how much I like him and how much I care about him, but it stucked in my throat. But finally I told him before I left his house, I liked him for the first time in my life. Finally I felt released, I was happy that I told him everything, and I relized he is just a kid, never been through any relationship, and he doesnt know how to treat people, somehow at that point, I don't want him anymore in my life. A little bit hurt though, but I felt much better afterwards.
From thursday I went to Assen to visit Sandy as I promised long time ago, we've talked a lot about everything, it was so nice to hung out with her, and of course her little crazy daughter. The whole family of hers is so lovely. Isn't that kind of life in my life? hehe...
Some pics me and Sandy.
After Saturday, I really don't know who I am anymore. I thought I understood myself, but I don't. I am such a loser. I just can not get rid of that moment from my head, it's like a film, play and play again...it keeps torturing me. My heart is just like Tofu, it's broken to thousands pieces...
I really want be happy instead of sad. Even I tried to get a new hair color, it still doesn't help. Never noticed I will like him that much...but I do...I really do...It's so easy to say forget, but it's so hard to do. Yesterday when I met my friends, everybody told me I looked so sad and fucked up.
What Can I do? God, please help me!!!
I thought I really got over with him, but yesterday when I saw he was kissing with another boy, suddenly I relized I still like him, unfortunately, I like him a lot. I had to ran away, my feeling was fucked up, I felt somebody punched my heart fiercely, it hurts so bad...I went home with Lisa. On the way home, we talked a lot, I admited I like him, which I don't even know. I thought I don't care anymore, but I do care, I do care so much! At that moment, I really wished I can cry, but I couldn't. Maybe it's really like my mum said, if you are really sad, you just can not cry. I could not release myself, I couldn't. I hate myself...
All the time I tried so hard to pretend to be stonger, I don't want anybody to see the what is inside of me, I want be a hard stone. But I know myself, I am too soft inside. I am so afraid to get hurt, I am so afraid to open my heart to someone.
Opened my music box, the song went " I don't want you go, tell me, you are not leaving me...I don't want see you get away from my life" I started to cry like a baby, I really hope it will be the last time to cry for love problem. Mum said to me, you lost someone who doesnt love you, but he lost someone who loves him, the loss for him is much more...yeah, but somebody even don't give a damn...
I hope the story end here....no more going on...no gain no pain, no expection, no overthinking...
I have watched a music video today, it was about love, the story was about a couple, because the Chinese civil war, they got sepreate, the girl gave the boy a box before she left Shanghai, said " I put all my love in this box, it will stay here" The boy replied, " I won't go anywhere, if you can not find me, just look for me in School"...at moment was 1948, she left Shanghai with her family to Taiwan. Because of the political reason, from 1949-1987, China Mainland and Taiwan could not visit each other. Until 1989, she got the news from her son when she was feeding her gradson, he's still alive, and single...The 2nd day, she flu to Shanghai...to met him...so many memories suddenly appeared in front of them...Because of the commitment, he still stays in the school as a teacher, because he said before " you can look for me at school"...The love box did not open yet...She asked why, he replied, " if I open it, I am afraid I will never see you again"...after 40 years....she's married, and already has 3 sons, but he is still single, he is still waiting for her...After that day, she flu back to Taipei, she told her husband and children, she wanted go back to Shanghai to be with him, her children all against this idea, but her busband not only agreed this idea, but also bought them a house in Shanghai...Finally, they got together after 40 years...
It moved my heart, because this video...I cried a lot...and I doubt this kind of love won't exist nowaday anymore...
Weekend I went to Den Haag, was nice...did a little bit soul searching...try to understand what I want for my life...
It's 2 am in the morning, but I can not fall asleep. My feeling is so weird and uncomfortable...I am lost...really lost...Where is the happy me? Why I am overthinking, overthinking, overthinking again. I hate it. I hate myself for that.
I should never do that...should never...I feel I lost a friend who I really like...T_T...I am a stupid loser...from the moment back from Gent, I told myself dont expect too much, close your heart and be a bitch...But I can't...Why it's so diffcult to be an human being??? Why I am always so soft???
Sorry...For me, for him, for other people who care about me...
気づいたのあなたがこんなに胸の中にいること
愛してるまさかねそんな事言えない
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to LuLu! It's my third year birthday without my family. But yesterday I had a great time with my friends.
Sorry I did not update my blog for a long time (sorry for myself), a lot of things happened things to me, most of them are bad things, but when I had diffcult time, I really see who is my real friend. Thank you Dina, you help me out a lot, when I am in trouble, you always by my side.
Acutally I wanted write a lot of stuff, but when I start typing on the keyboard, I don't know what can I say anymore, I don't want tell everything here basically. Hehe...
Today is mother's day, such a coincidence, mum, wish you happy holiday! Love you!
In Netherland, there is such a word called " Kijkavond ", which means when you search for a room in somewhere, you have to make an appointment with the potential people who gonna be living with you in that place, and after that, you have to talk with them and try to make them have a good impression on you. As I remember, I tried Kijkavond 5 times, and today I sucessed! I would love to take this chance to thank my best friend Dina, she did the most of the talk. 70% sucess of today was on her acutally. When I got the call from Nina, I was jumping like a little kid. Because after 4 times failure, I was very down from that, it made me think acutally those Dutch people only like their own people, but yeah, you never know. I am pretty satisify with my new room, it's much bigger than the room I am having now. You know what is funny? The wall is pink! Haha... So finally I gonna live with the Dutch family, there are 5 Dutch people, 2 girls and 3 boys. After I move in, I will make delicious food for them.
The weekend was awesome and crazy. I had a wonderful time with Dina, Lisa and Alti. Who's Alit? She's my new friend from Kazahstan, a sweet sweet girl. We were dancing like crazy on the stage, and we cheered for Alexsander (Cause we got free drink ticket from him). It was so sweet of him, we even drank Cocktail in the club. Haha...Maybe because I made too much Korokka that day, it made me very tired, so we went to home very early. Or I am just getting older?
This is the third Easter for me since I moved to this tiny lowland. But this Easter, I get no egg chocolates, no special food. ( Sounds a little bit sad, huh?) Well, I still remember we spent our easter in Belgium with the lovely Belgian family, it was so wonderful. Acutally yesterday when I met Ding we said we really should sent an email to Kevin to wish him HAPPY EASTER with his family.
I've had nightmares those days, dont know why, but it's all related to one person, what does this mean? It's so weird and wicked...what I feel is I don't want expect too much, from my experience was the more I expect, the more disappointments I got...so I think just let it be, but only sometimes I can not control myself to think about these things...It's been more than 2 years I am not with anyone...I certainly hope I will be the lucky one. I felt very comfortable when I around this one:)
Finally, I hope I can pass the retake on Tuesday, it is my last chance, so I really need study for tomorrow, I hope I can pass it! 5.5...Enough...emmm...I'll pray for it...
Want post some pics from last year Easter
Yesterday I went out after such a long time (No Clubbing Life Lately). Met two new friends of Lisa's, they are very cool. Of course with my favorite girl Dina. Unfortunately, Friday going out was not fun, cause there were only a few people there. But still, we danced a little bit, with Lisa you'll never get bored! We biked to Lisa's home, played Wii at 7 C'lock in the morning, crazy....crazy...Liquid Club was very though, I am sure next time if there are enough people will be very fun, but at least, I got a lot of free drink ticket from new friend Alex...that's very sweet of him.
I had a nice talk with YoYo during the dinner time, my god, my school is such a drama and rumor school, no matter you are famous or nameless, there are always some rumors about you. But in spit of all, like I told Dina " We are fontys bitches", so don't mess around with us! hahaha...
Finally, I hope Dina's date going well, cause I know she's looking forward to this date so much, and she made the slow move, hopefully she can get what she want. I really hope all my friends have a happy realtionship with their Mr/Ms Special. Meanwhile, I am missing someone in Somewhere...How you doing?...hope see you soon...:)
In the early morning to update my blog, hmmmm...Lately, I begin to search new rooms in Eindhoven. I am tired of my life is controlled by someone else, and in the end, she told me I always depend on you. WTF?! C'on, before you criticize someone please look at yourself. I am here for my freedom, I don't need another mummy to take care of me.
I went to Gent/Belgium again last weekend, I had a wonderful time. Belgian meal with sunshine made me feel life is so beutiful. But the most important and significant thing is the one beside me:)
About me, I just back from my
The funny thing was I met Fontys People in
